Disciplining me

When I sing out of sync with David, you discipline me -

like a good father should. With Beauty.

(Znalazłem wreszcie to zdanie o sztuce, którego szukałem - wkrótce)

Na ratunek demokracji - BANG!

Trudno sobie wyobrazić, że polska demokracja

przetrwa obecny/nadchodzący kryzys w swoim dzisiejszym kształcie - jeśli w ogóle przetrwa*. Obserwując jej konwulsje - które niestety wstrząsają także mną - wpadłem na pomysł prostego ulepszenia. Nie uratuje ono może systemu, lecz uczyni jeden jego aspekt strawniejszym.

Proponuję, żeby w kampaniach wyborczych wymusić - oddolnym, obywatelskim wysiłkiem - absolutny zakazaz wykorzystywania czegokolwiek co nie jest konkretną propozycją ściśle określonych i dokładnie opisanych działań lub projektem ustawy. Złamanie zakazu pociągałoby za sobą natychmiastowy odstrzał - w imię dobrze rozumianego patriotyzmu.

Ulotki, plakaty, billboardy, wszystkie publiczne wypowiedzi polityków - i nie tylko - nie mogłyby zawierać żadnych sloganów, żadnej niepopartej wyliczeniami retoryki.

Wszystko co byłoby mówione i pisane w ramach kampanii musiałoby posiadać certyfikaty jakości wystawione przez co najmniej czterech ekonomistów, trzech prawników, dwóch konstytucjonalistów i jednego przedstawiciela Szkoły Austriackiej lub Public Choice, którzy swoimi głowami gwarantowaliby elementarną spójność i wiarygodność propozycji; sam kandydat stawiałby na szali nie tylko swoje życie, lecz także swoich krewnych, znajomych i sąsiadów w promieniu 1 km.

Specjalne, uzbrojone po zęby komitety czujnych i mających już tego wszystkiego po dziurki w nosie wyborców pilnowałyby intelektualnego porządku...

- Dokumenty proszę. Dziękuję. Co tu mamy? "Projekt zmian w sposobie naliczania... albo - zryczałtowania albo - a co tam! - likwidacji podatku dochodowego", 25 stron (skreślone), nie - 5 stron; 224 strony wyliczeń. Przechodzi.

- Tam idzie jeszcze kilku!

- Faktycznie. Rozmnażają się jak króliki po deszczu w ciepły dzień.

- Halo! Obywatele politycy! Proszę, proszę tutaj! Śmiało, śmiało! Co my tu... - no, proszę... chole... proszę mi to dać! - mamy... (Ty, łap tamtego!) ...hmm... "Projekt ustawy o zniesieniu ustawy o szkolnictwie i wycofania się - w końcu! - państwa z robienia zamieszania w edukacji niewinnych dziatek."

- Nie ma żadnych wyliczeń...

- Bo to proste jak drut. Przechodzi!

- A tu? "Jutro bez obaw"?

[bang!]

- "Polska zasługuje na więcej"...

[bang!]

- Co?? "Zrobimy więcej"?? Nie - dziękujemy! ... a weź pan ode mnie te łapówkę! My mamy wyższe standardy!

[bang!]

- Patrz! Ilu ludzi się zebrało.

- I jacy wzruszeni...

- Obywatele! Pamiętajcie - droga do lepszego jutra jest wybrukowana solidnymi liczbami! ... co? ... cholera, faktycznie, to był slog..

[bang!]

*nie jest to oczywiście wielkie zmartwienie dla anty-demokraty, lecz jest dla konserwatysty, który woli, żeby systemy ewoluowały lub były zmieniane z minimalną ilością wstrząsów; na wstrząsy tymczasem się zapowiada.

(ilustracja: copywriting.pl)

We've seen it.

There's no excuse left for us now - we've seen the world.

(P.S. ... the Dormouse said.)

Fruity, joyous - and good

The other day, advised by another Filip, I visited the wine shop

run by Philippe de Givenchy, his Polish partner Catherine and their baby (although I can’t be sure about the baby’s role – it was taking a nap when I popped in).

The shop is small and extremely discreet on the outside, so don’t try to find it after you’ve already drunk something - you’ll fail. Actually, it’s so discreet that at first I thought it must be where local spies’ go to buy wine. The no-nonsense interior, on the other hand, is pleasantly welcoming through its simplicity - and its owners.

On one of the walls I noticed a handwritten and framed government-imposed warning: “We’ll waste the money you’re paying in excise tax here”… oh, sorry I mixed up my notes; it was this one: “Alcohol can damage your health”. I asked Catherine where was the rest of the sentence: “and alcohol can improve your heath”. I hope she puts it up soon.

I warned her that I had just left the university, so she shouldn’t expect my visit to make any noticeable impact on the Givenchy fortune, but she treated me kindly and generously, nonetheless. I was offered three wines to taste and, more importantly, a lot of valuable information. Philippe and his wife go themselves to buy what they sell, so they get to know the producers, the places and the gossip and share their impressions and knowledge as a free bonus.

I tried to persuade Cathrerine to join me in the tasting, but she declined, pointing to the pram next to her and an invisible baby. Being a teacher, I tried to persuade her that it is a right educational policy to make kids imbibe, even indirectly, good stuff right from the beginning, but she stuck to her scientifically-backed prejudice.

As the conversation went on, I pretended to be making up my mind, but the matter had already been decided by the first sip I took. It was love on sight, like one of those heady, first-year-of-primary-school affairs when you fall for the first pretty girl you see on your first day at school. My prettiest girl was a wine from Corbières (2009) – dangerously and excitedly close to the line that divides juice from wine; in fact it was a grown-up’s version of black-current juice – and I mean it as a complement!

That it was adults’ stuff after all was confirmed by a pleasantly delayed nudge of alcohol (14%), that made you appreciate better the sunny Perpignan garden into which the rest of the hundreds or thousands (or millions) of ingredients sent you moments ago. So in three words: it’s charmingly (adverbs [and words in brackets] don’t count, OK?) easy, fruity and joyous. And if you’d expect, a massive shop-owner’s-name-driven (pardon my English) mark-up on the smart bottles there (that followed some elegantly conservative trends in design), you’d be disappointed. I paid PLN 39, which is fine even for a fresh, jobless drop-out.

As I left, I thought ( as usual) : “Thank You! Thank You! Thank You, Lord, for Vitis vinifera, terroir and human intelligence that created this dizzying herald of Paradise on earth!” (By the way, did you know that wine is the only one of grand human inventions that has a guaranteed place in Heaven? We don’t know about nuclear power plants, the wine glass or the bicycle, but wine will be there).

And let theologians debate this till Kingdom Come, but let me tell you: I can well imagine that on the seventh day the Lord ended up in the south of France - where the mighty and wealthy of this universe tend to relax – took a sip of the Corbières I’d just bought and He saw that it was easy, fruity and joyous. And good.

(Further reading)

Picture: Wine Bar with French Glass Art Print
Etienne, Nicole

Let's talk sensibly

How can you talk sensibly about the world if you haven't gone mad about it?

(PS... asked the Dormouse and sent his tea up it the air.

The Queen was just about to applaude, but the Hatter was faster.

“Outrageous!”, he said. “You could say that again”, he added.

“How can you talk sensibly about the world if you haven't gone mad about it?”, said the Dormouse.

The others at the table started to whisper to one another agitatedly, taking sides between what the Hatter said. Then, without a warning, the Dormouse's tea - along with thoughtful (or angry, according to other reports) silence fell on the party.

The queen, due to her position, took the brunt of both. She thought for a moment and decided it was time to reassert her authoity, as some of the guests seemed to have something republican about them.

“I hereby declare that it is against the law of the land for someone who hasn't gone mad about the world to talk about it!”, she said.

“Do you think you could fit in my contribution, too?”, asked the Hatter politely.

The Queen gave him a stern look and obliged: “I declare that it is against the law of the land...

“Make it 'the world' ”, suggested Alice.

The Queen gave her a stern look and didn't oblige, “... for someone who hasn't gone mad about the world to talk about it and you could say that again.”

The March Hare leant towards the Queen and explained: “It should be 'against the law and outrageous' ”

“How dare you criticise a Royal statute before you've even seen it!”, yelled the Queen, red in her face (which went beautifully with her Italian designer dress).

“But they haven't been printed yet”, the Hare tried to defend itself. In vain.

“That's the point. Use your head!”, was the Queen's reply, which must have inspired her: “And by the way, off with his head!”

“Outrageous”, said the Hatter.

“Yes, yes - I remember. I'll consider it after the official version is printed", the Queen closed the matter. "We'll have more tea now. And cake", she announced.

PS I know the Queen wasn't there really, but the rest are no facts, either)

Szczęśliwa dziewczyna

W jeden z ostatnich dni wakacji zalaną słońcem drogą idzie w radosnych podskokach gimnazjalistka z sąsiedztwa, nucąc sobie coś pod nosem. Nie wie, że ją widzę. Kiedy mnie spostrzega dzieli się ze mną bez skrępowania pogodnym wzrokiem i bezinteresownym uśmiechem, które – jeśli je zapamięta – pomogą jej znieść to wszystko, co ma się właśnie w jej życiu wydarzyć.

A ja tak chcę zapamiętać tę dziewczynę.

Tak chcę zapamiętać to lato.

Tak chcę zapamiętać ten świat.