If it's somewhere in town after all and you find it, read carefully what it says there, in a few languages, and do what you're asked to: return it the relevant bureaucrats (then the bureaucrats may return it to me; after engaging some 27 national and international departments).
This is serious: has anyone seen my passport?
I'm planning to cross the Channel and then a few borders (by flying over them) soon and some piece of bureaucratic paper with an outdated photo might come in handy (I don't want any bureaucrats or politicians - if they are not one and the same thing these days - shoot the plane down, do I? Those bloody idiots are famous for inventing new tasks for themselves - to keep them in employment, department expansion, promotions and pay rises - and who knows what they've managed to come up with since I last crossed their bloody borders).
I realised the document in question wasn't lying in its usual spot on the floor a while ago, but I comforted myself I'd lost it, along with a briefcase, somewhere in town, where there would be some chance of finding it. Now the situation has just turned uglier: I've spotted the briefcase (more or less where I put it after coming back from town) and the passport isn't there. Which means the worst case scenario: I lost it in my flat, where it doesn't make the slightest sense to look for it.
P.S. But then again, I somehow did find the briefcase; but then again, only because it was hanging by its strap in the shower and I don't think even I would have been as imaginative with my passport, even if I say so myself.
