(*if it's not one and the same thing)
The Archbishop of Westminster, Cardinal Heenan, in court to defend a member of his flock, was asked by counsel:
"You are probably the most intelligent man in England?"
"Yes. I suppose you could say that."
A friend pulled his leg afterwards, but Cardinal Heenan said to him:
"I didn't want to appear vain, but I had to remember I was on oath."
...
Cardinal Heenan attended the funeral of Pope Pius, and found himself looking around the assembled ranks of cardinals from whom the new Pope would be chosen, and later commented:
"When my eyes rested on a very fat old gentleman called Cardinal Roncalli they didn't delay long. But in due course he became Pope John. And when, soon after, I was received into private audience, I was very glad he had not known what was passing through my mind at the funeral of Pope Pius."
...
Bishop Hensley Henson on his fellow men:
"Clergy are like manure. Spread thinly over the land they are very good, but put them in a heap and - pooh."
...
Cardinal Vaughan once turned to Dr Adler, the Chief Rabbi, at a dinner and mischievously asked:
"Now, Dr Adler, when may I have the pleasure of helping you to some ham?"
"At Your Eminence's wedding."
...
Canon Bryan Green tells the story of the dying man who, asked by the priest 'Do you renounce the Devil and all his ways?', replied:
"I'm in no sort of position, just at the moment, to be making any sort of enemies anywhere."
...
The Reverend Dewi Morgan tells the story of the Cardiff parson who was offered a living in London, and after much thought and prayer decided to accept. His children greeted this news with some misgiving, and the night before they left, the youngest daughter finished her prayers with:
"And so goodbye, God - we're moving to London tomorrow..."
[...which yours truly may do too, the day after tomorrow].
